Why Have Your Fertility Tested?

Knowledge is Power

Martina Kelly, Fertility Nurse Specialist, Waterstone Clinic Kildare

 

One in six couples have difficulties conceiving, so fertility testing can give couples reassurance and choices. Knowing your fertility status is very important information for future family planning.

The first question we are often asked is when should you go to a fertility clinic?  You can have a fertility check whether or not you are trying for a baby. If you are trying for a baby, the general advice depends on your age. If you are over 35, it’s important to see a specialist if you have been trying for 6 months, and if you are under 35, see a specialist after a year. If you’re not actively trying for a baby, you can have a fertility check at any time. The information from the check will let you know where you stand and help you make decisions, such as considering preserving your fertility.

Before you meet with a doctor, you and your partner will have some tests so you can get the most out of your consultation. The male partner will have a simple semen analysis test and the female will have a number of blood tests, to help us measure ovarian reserve,  which will provide information regarding your ability to conceive.

One of the tests that can give us a good sense of your fertility timeline, is the AMH test. Anti-Müllerian Hormone (AMH), is a hormone produced by cells inside the little sacs in the ovaries that each holds an egg. These follicles release the AMH hormone, and the amount of it in the blood serves as a proxy for the amount of eggs remaining in the ovaries. Alongside this, we look at the amount of Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) in the blood. This hormone works to kick-start the maturation of the eggs in the follicles, and if there is a high level of this hormone, it can be a sign of low ovarian reserve.

In additional to hormonal tests, it is essential to have a fertility focused ultrasound to view the ovaries. Put together, this information gives a picture of your overall fertility potential. Combined with your partner’s semen analysis result, we can determine if fertility treatment might be necessary, and which options would offer you the best chance of success.

Having health checks at a fertility clinic does help, by not losing time. Fertility issues are very common and even if you don’t want a family right now, being proactive about your fertility can make all the difference when you are ready. Having your reproductive health information will help you make decisions and take out the guesswork. Knowledge is power: once you know, you have choices which is everything in the world of fertility.

 

Martina Kelly, Fertility Nurse Specialist Kildare 

Martina is a fertility nurse specialist at the Waterstone Clinic in Kildare. She trained as a Registered General Nurse in the Midlands and was one of the first nurses in Ireland to specialise in women’s health. She has worked all over the world, in Australia, Barbados, Trinidad, the UK and Ireland. Having worked in fertility for many years, Martina is passionate about women’s health. She runs the Waterstone Clinic Kildare site, helping women and couples fulfil their dreams of parenthood.

Starting Fertility Treatment During A Pandemic

Where to Start

The Gift of Time

Dr John Waterstone

 

More and more couples and individuals are beginning their fertility journeys since the coronavirus epidemic swept the country. There is no doubt that the pandemic has had a huge impact on how we live our lives, and while it has taken away so much, it has at the same time, given us a gift of time to evaluate our priorities.

In a recent survey of nearly 400 of our patients across our five clinics, we asked what changes the pandemic has brought about. 82% of them answered that it has made them value family more. 71% agreed that the pandemic had given them more time to think about starting a family.

Many couples have been trying for a family during the pandemic, and have asked for fertility advice. Fertility is strongly linked to the age of the woman. For women aged over 35, our advice is to see a fertility specialist after six months of trying; and after a year of trying if you are under 35. If you are part of a couple, your fertility potential should be assessed together. The tests are very simple: women need some blood tests, including an Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) blood test, and a fertility-focused ultrasound scan. Male partners need a simple semen analysis test. Looking at all the results together, we can build a picture of your overall fertility health, including your ovarian reserve (the number of eggs in your ovaries).

Having a fertility check doesn’t always mean you will need fertility treatment. Some couples only need reassurance and advice, and some need treatment. If you do need treatment, we will build a plan with a recommendation for a treatment that will give you the best chance of success. There are simple and low-cost treatments such as Ovulation Induction (where you take medication, and conception takes place through intercourse at home) or Intrauterine Insemination (where you take medication and conception takes place through a simple procedure). If you need more specialised intervention, we may recommend IVF or ICSI treatment.

Fertility treatment can be a stressful time for couples, and even more so in the time of COVID-19. Right now, a key worry for many is how soon can they start their journey. While fertility testing and treatment were paused at the height of lockdown in March and April, international guidelines have been updated and fertility services are now classed as essential, so they are not restricted, even at Level 5 in Ireland. We have implemented many health and safety measures to keep our patients, staff and clinics safe and COVID-free.

Many people worry that they are losing time, that their fertility is declining and they might miss their opportunity to have a baby. Time can be the enemy of fertility, so use the gift of time: have an assessment and make sure that time is on your side.

 

Dr John Waterstone is Medical Director of Waterstone Clinic

 

 

Kildare Clinic Now Open

|Vista Primary Care Waterstone Clinic Kildare

Our Family Is Expanding

We are delighted to announce the opening of our Kildare Clinic.

We now have five clinics across the country, and our Kildare clinic will enable patients to access diagnostic tests, consultations with our doctors, ultrasound scans, cycle monitoring, and semen analysis while staying close to home.

Our specialist team are experts in the field of Reproductive Medicine. We have achieved most, if not all, of Ireland’s scientific milestones in fertility since we opened our first clinic in 2002. We provide cutting-edge fertility care to our patients at a standard that is second to none. Over 500 babies are born every year from treatments at our clinics.

Our clinic is located in Vista Primary Care Centre, Ballymore Eustace Road, Naas, Co.Kildare (map)

For appointments, contact [email protected] or call 0818 333 310 | 045- 874389

 

Vista Primary Care, Naas, Kildare

Fertility On Hold: Irish Examiner Article

Woman in nature in sunset. People in nature.Beautiful woman in meadow summer. Beautiful people. Happy people. Happy beautiful woman in nature in sunset. Beautiful woman in summer day. Woman. People. Sunset. Nature.

By Sharon Ní Chonchúir

Featured Friday 19 June 2020: Read on the Irish Examiner Website

Most fertility treatments were put on ice during the lockdown. Now clinics have reopened, how will the delay affect women’s chances of having a baby, asks Sharon Ní Chonchúir 

There was huge relief for women and couples when Ireland’s fertility clinics reopened their doors at the beginning of May.  Like most of the country, the clinics had closed mid-March, which had put all fertility treatments on indefinite hold.

One in six couples in Ireland struggles to conceive within one year of having unprotected sex, and up to 6,000 people undergo fertility treatment every year.

Aisling* (29) and her husband have unknown fertility issues and have been having fertility treatment since 2018. They have been through two ovulation induction cycles, one IVF cycle and two miscarriages. They were about to start IVF once more when the clinics closed in March. She is still struggling to come to terms with the closure of clinics. 

“I am so upset with how couples who have to go through IVF were treated,” she says. “We already have to endure extreme pain and hurt, and this was just another way in which we were punished for something our bodies cannot do for us. Every month matters when you feel your time is running out. It could make the difference between you getting to be a mother or not.  We are young so we have time, but we were still devastated when our cycle was cancelled.” 

DECISION TO CLOSE

Fertility clinics are medical facilities so under government guidelines they could have remained open during lockdown. However, on March 14 the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE) recommended that: “all fertility patients considering or planning treatment, even if they do not meet the diagnostic criteria for Covid-19 infection, should avoid becoming pregnant.”

Irish fertility doctors understood this prudent approach. 

“There was uncertainty about how safe the virus was for pregnant women,” says Dr John Waterstone, medical director of the Waterstone Clinic. “The previous coronavirus outbreak – SARS in 2003 – was particularly unsafe for pregnant women, so it seemed reasonable to be cautious.”

Closing the clinics also gave staff the opportunity to put measures in place so they could look after patients safely.  “We did not want to do anything to encourage the spread of the virus,” says Dr John Kennedy, medical director of the Sims Fertility Clinic in Dublin. “We had no PPE and no means of applying social distancing, so we decided that the safest thing to do was to put everything on hold.”

In the Sims Clinic, all treatment stopped with immediate effect on March 16. “Some patients got to freeze embryos before they stopped but some – thankfully not that many – were only halfway through their cycles,” says Dr Kennedy. “They were the ones who suffered the most.”

The Waterstone Clinic stopped all treatments apart from those who were mid-way through a cycle. “We allowed those patients to proceed to egg collection and embryo freezing,” says Dr Waterstone. “We still had a lot of upset people though. The passage of time is everything in fertility, and six months, either way, can make a huge difference to the success rates for older women.” 

PLANS ON HOLD

Pauline* (40) is one of those women. She and her husband have a toddler who was conceived through IVF. “Our first cycle failed but our second cycle resulted in eight embryos and we used five of those to have our baby,” she says. We tried for a little brother or sister in January but that failed. We were about to go again in April when it was cancelled.”

A healthcare worker, Pauline understands why treatments had been paused, but she struggles to accept it. “There is so much that is out of your control when you have fertility issues,” she says. “This is just one more layer of uncertainty. I am on steroids at the moment [for an unrelated issue], so my doctors are reluctant for me to try getting pregnant right now. “I get it, but will I be able to try this year? Next year? Not knowing is upsetting and being at home alone in lockdown makes the experience all the harder.”

Aisling questions why advice on avoiding pregnancy was not issued to the public in general. “It’s yet another example of us being treated unfairly for something that’s out of our control,” she says.

Dr Kennedy understands why she might feel discriminated against but believes there was a valid reason. “This decision is bound to have caused anger as timing is so crucial in fertility,” he says. “But women who conceive using IVF are a higher risk group and there may be additional risks involved in their pregnancies [these include higher rates of pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes and placenta praevia as well as higher risks of having an induction and caesarean section during labour]. ESHRE may not have wanted to overburden the health system at a time when it might be struggling.” 

ONGOING SUPPORT

Supports were offered to help women and couples to cope with the emotional impact of the delay to their treatment. Marian Ó Tuama, psychotherapist at the Waterstone Clinic, moved quickly to offer counselling online.

“I immediately started Zoom calls with patients and posted videos of breathing exercises and cognitive behavioural therapies on our Instagram page to help them deal with their anxiety,” she says. Anxiety was one of the biggest issue for her patients during lockdown. “Nobody knew how long it would be before treatment would resume,” says Ó Tuama. “Would it be weeks, months, or years? For women and couples already worried they may have left it too late, any delay adds to their fears.”

The lockdown imposed its own pressures too. “They were stuck at home with little else to do but think about time passing,” says Ó Tuama.

The National Infertility Support and Information Group (NISIG) has also moved its meetings online. 

Its spokesperson Niamh Magee says that emotions have been running high during this time. “So many women have said that they want to scream when they hear all the comments about the pending baby boom due to the lockdown,” she says. “Because of the delays to their treatment, they worry that time is passing and that another year will go by without a baby for them to hold at the end of it.”

INFECTION PREVENTION

On April 23, ESHRE recommended that fertility treatments could recommence once safeguards were put in place to protect patients and staff. 

“A lot had changed since March and the medical evidence showed that Covid-19 didn’t seem to have a harmful impact on pregnancy,” says Dr Kennedy. Reopening the doors did not mean reverting to how things were pre-pandemic. Conditions are different now. Preventing infection is paramount.

“We’re extremely cautious about bringing infection into the clinic,” says Dr Waterstone. “Consultations now mostly take place over the phone or online. Everyone who comes to the clinic wears masks and we ask partners to wait outside in their cars if they are not needed inside.”

“Our days are longer,” says Dr Kennedy. “We’re seeing the same volume of patients, but it takes more time because of frequent cleaning and social distancing. This will become a normalised part of the way we work in the future.”

Clinics are not yet able to offer their full range of services. Some investigational surgeries are on hold. Some supportive drug treatments like immunotherapy and steroids are not available. Closed borders mean that those intending to travel abroad cannot do so and nor can women and couples avail of donor eggs and sperm from other countries.

“There are still lots of hurdles in the paths of couples trying to conceive,” says Magee.

While Dr Waterstone is satisfied that clinics are safe from Covid-19, he thinks the government should do more to protect pregnant women. “We’re ultra-cautious in the clinic but we can’t control the outside world,” he says. I worry about my patients being exposed to risk on crowded public transport, for example.”

He would like to see the government make mask-wearing mandatory. “Look at Hong Kong,” he says. “It’s right next to China but its death rate from Covid-19 was 0.5 per million inhabitants. Ours is more than 300. The difference is that they all wear masks. I think the authorities have been negligent by not making mask-wearing compulsory. It’s an easy measure for them to enforce and it keeps everyone – including pregnant women – safe.”

HIGH DEMAND

Despite the challenges that persist for those seeking fertility treatment, Drs Waterstone and Kennedy have found that demand is as high as ever.

“Covid-19 won’t be a death knell to IVF treatment,” says Dr Kennedy. “If anything, it’s underlined the impermanence of all things and the importance of getting what you want out of life.”

That is certainly true for Pauline and her husband. “All we want is a brother or sister for our little toddler,” she says. “At the very least, we’d like to be able to try.”

Ó Tuama has been surprised by how receptive people have been to the changes in how IVF treatment is now offered. “People are so adaptable when they want something,” she says. “Any step forward gives them hope. It’s much better to do something – anything – than to wait and wonder if those months of delay meant that you never had a baby.

Aisling understands that urge to do something rather than nothing. “I’m currently waiting to start a new round of IUI, but I have no date from the clinic as there is still a backlog from all the cancelled procedures,” she says. “The waiting is absolutely agonising.”

Having their treatment cancelled with no notice was very distressing for these people. 

IT TAKES A BIG TOLL ON US AS A COUPLE

Women undergo most of the medical procedures associated with IVF. But having fertility treatment can be an emotionally draining experience for hopeful dads too.

“Pauline* and I didn’t meet until we were in our late 30s, so we were late trying to start a family,” says Ethan. “We were thrilled when we had a baby after our second IVF cycle, and we would both love to have another. We implanted one of our remaining three embryos in January, but it did not work. That was a big disappointment. We were all geared up to try again in April only to be disappointed again when the clinics closed.”

Ethan worries about what will happen if none of their remaining embryos implants successfully. “We’ll have to go through the entire process from the very beginning and that’s daunting,” he says. “t costs a lot, which is a huge consideration, and it takes a big toll on us both as a couple. You could drive yourself mad if you were to think about it too much.”

For now, Ethan believes his place is beside his wife, supporting her as they wait to restart their IVF treatment. “All I’ve had to do so far is to produce a sperm sample in a cup, which wasn’t all that hard,” he says. “Pauline is the one who has had to take all of the vitamins, minerals, and various medications as well as undergo invasive procedures. That has been tough going and I see my job as looking after her.”

He and his wife have both grieved their IVF failures but remain hopeful that their next attempt will be successful. “We’ve had our fair share of heartbreak throughout our IVF treatment, but we have a beautiful toddler to show for it,” he says. “There’s nothing either of us would like more than to have another baby so that our two children could grow up together.

“If we get to do that, everything will be worth it.”

*Names have been changed

https://www.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/lifestyle/healthandlife/fertility-on-hold-will-ivf-delays-impact-womens-chances-of-conceiving-1006121.html

CoronaVirus

A message from our family to yours:

NOTICE FOR PATIENTS UPDATE TO SERVICES AT WATERSTONE CLINIC

A message from Dr John Waterstone, Medical Director

Please bear with us while we work our way through contacting each of our patients. We will give priority to patients who were cancelled/delayed and will schedule at the nearest available time. If you would like to speak to one of the team, feel free to contact us on 0818 333 310 / [email protected]

The safety and welfare of our patients and staff are of utmost importance to us at Waterstone Clinic. Due to the increase of Coronavirus cases in Ireland, we have taken the decision to limit the services we can provide at the moment, and are following guidelines from the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE). The experts at ESHRE have advised that patients who are considering or planning fertility treatment at the moment should avoid becoming pregnant at this time due to the uncertainties around the impact of Coronavirus.  

As we begin our phased return to providing treatment, we are following guidelines from the HSE and ESHRE and our Clinic is COVID-19 FREE. Life at the Clinic will not be back to normal just yet, and it will look a little different when you attend. The first change is that we are introducing two new forms for all patients and partners: a Patient Charter and a COVID19 Risk Assessment form.

The Patient Charter outlines your responsibilities while you are access treatment with us, and we will ask you to read, sign it and return it to us prior to attending the clinic for your next visit. The Charter describes the new procedures we will have in place, and our commitments to you to keep you safe in the Clinic so that your treatment can go ahead as planned. 

The COVID-19 Risk Assessment form will help our clinical team assess the level of risk you are exposed to in your daily life. We will ask you each to make yourself available to complete this process by phone before treatment and again during treatment. Treatment will not proceed without completing these steps. 

The team may suggest things to reduce your risk, to keep both you and all at the Clinic, safe from COVID-19. Risk assessment is a process, and you may be risk assessed at additional points. We would ask you to be vigilant and report any changes to your risk: we are in this together and must do all we can to protect one another as a community.

Please do bear with us as we implement these new policies and an additional consent process for treatment during the pandemic. We know patients are anxious to return to treatment, as are we, and we are doing everything we can do resume our work safely.  

Our Treatment Roadmap: 

Phase 1 w/c 18 May: Fertility testing and scans 

Phase 2 w/c 25 May: IVF/ICSI Cycles and Egg Freeze cycles (priority for those who were cancelled)

Phase 3 w/c 8 June: FET Cycles (priority for those who were cancelled/had freeze-all cycles)

Phase 4 w/c 15 June: OII & IUI Cycles (priority to those who were cancelled)

Donor Sperm Cycles: The donor team are recommencing treatment, under the phased return. The donor team are continuing preparatory work and ensuring compliance with the new Irish legislation concerning donor treatments.

Donor Egg Cycles: We are working hard on your behalf to resume the service and are continuing preparatory work with patients for treatment. We are dependent on the full removal of travel restrictions, and on the resumption of donor bank activity. We will update you on as soon as there is new information. Once we can return, priority will be given to those who were cancelled/delayed. The donor team are ensuring compliance with the new Irish legislation concerning donor treatments.

Dr John Waterstone, Medical Director of Waterstone Clinic

No Difference Between Fresh and Frozen

Article in the Irish Examiner, 25 June 2019 – Press Association

A popular strategy for raising IVF pregnancy rates by freezing embryos has been shown to have no improvement in a large trial. Success rates after freezing all embryos for later transfer were no better than fresh transfers, a randomised trial at eight clinics in Denmark, Sweden and Spain found.

Dr Sacha Stormlund, from Copenhagen University Hospital in Denmark, said: “Our findings give no support to a general freeze-all strategy in normally menstruating women.

“The results of this trial were as we expected, namely to see similar pregnancy rates between the fresh and freeze-all treatment groups. So I think it can now plausibly be said that there is no indication for a general freeze-all strategy in women with regular menstrual cycles who are not at immediate risk of overstimulation in IVF.”

She presented the findings of the trial, which involved 460 IVF patients, at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Vienna, Austria. The study was prompted by the growing trend of freezing all embryos generated in the first cycle of pregnancy and transferring them after thawing in a later cycle.

This approach has proved a popular alternative to using fresh embryos in the initial cycle. However, the freeze-all approach is still advised as a safety measure for IVF patients responding excessively to ovarian stimulation, such as women with polycystic ovary syndrome.

https://www.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/world/freezing-embryos-has-no-impact-on-ivf-success-rate-study-concludes-932678.html

Trying for a baby is taking all the joy out of our sex life

Marriage Diaries is a column by Telegraph Family in which people share snapshots of their relationships and their dilemmas.  They are published every Wednesday. The below story is available here.

It’s 7.30 on a Thursday morning. The post-coital glow quickly dissipates as I get out of bed and give my wife a perfunctory nod. She is distracted and is adding the time and a record of our activity to an app on her phone. While we are trying very hard to make a life, somewhere along the way something has died.

I like sex and believe it to be an important component in a loving relationship. I have been blessed with a healthy, regular intimacy with my wife. But lately, everything has become rather – how do I say this? – mechanical. We rely on diaries and ovulation aids, rather than luck and seduction.

It was not always thus. Initially in our relationship there were fireworks, as in most new loves. Sometimes there were several fireworks a day in various locations. These fizzled out over time, but have remained regular. Every so often, when the touch paper is lit, they explode unexpectedly again in impromptu displays that the neighbours can sometimes hear. These are always the moments of intimacy and excitement that reconnect us when the banality of everyday life gets in the way. They are the little reminders of the passionate people we were and can still be.

Eventually, after several carefree years of courtship and marriage, talk of children surfaced and recently we went to discuss matters with a fertility specialist (we are both over 40, so there are no guarantees). I was heartened to be told that to maximise our changes we should be having regular sex. That’s sex, on prescription, as advised by a clinician. Naturally, I had a spring my step after the appointment and in the days that followed, as I reminded my better half of this medical recommendation.

Naively and hopefully, I envisaged that the fertility mission would be accomplished with the sexual equivalent of a sustained campaign of indiscriminate carpet-bombing, which I was very much looking forward to. The reality, however, was a little more meticulous and it became apparent that, rather than shock-and-awe, we were instead going to be conducting a series of carefully controlled and targeted surgical strikes. Each was concentrated within a five-day fertility window and dictated almost to the minute by an app, which alerted us each month when the time had come to launch Operation Conception.

Day one was always a relief, coming as it usually did after a period of abstinence. Days two and three weren’t bad either. But by days four and five, the intimacy had drained from the experience and both of us knew we were just going through the motions. The pressure to perform sucked the romance and excitement from the occasion. My wife marshalled and organised. I felt like a cow being milked.

I know I should be grateful and should look at these monthly opportunities as a time of bounty. And they are by no means unpleasant. We do laugh about them and share our thoughts and feelings honestly. My wife often feels the same way. We both accept that the carefree love life we enjoyed early in our relationship was of a time and that now there is a bigger purpose. Yet I still mourn the thrill of desire for desire’s sake, and there is a small, perhaps insecure and egotistical part of me that begrudges having to perform at set times, much like an actor playing to an audience that has only turned up because the tickets are free, not because they are necessarily eager to see the show.

I am an optimist, however, and I hope that after a successful mission, normal service will resume somewhere down the line. I am also a realist and recognise that with a baby in town, there may well be a lengthy ceasefire first.

From: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/relationships/trying-baby-taking-joy-sex-life/?wgu=272965_16644_15613681422734_018240d3fe&wgexpiry=1569144142&WT.mc_id=tmgoff_paff-4551_subsoffers_basic_planit&utm_source=tmgoff&utm_medium=tmgoff_paff-4551&utm_content=subsoffers_basic&utm_campaign=tmgoff_paff-4551_subsoffers_basic_planit

Add-Ons in Fertility Treatment

The Irish Times Health Supplement (10 April) reported that many Irish fertility clinics are offering optional “extras” in IVF treatment, recommended by clinics in order to boost chances of becoming pregnant. A survey of patients being treated at two Dublin IVF clinics found that add-ons had increased the costs for 84 per cent of these patients.

Our medical director, Dr John Waterstone, has often spoken out against these extras as they cost patients “several thousand more euro than they had anticipated spending in the course of an IVF treatment cycle”. Dr Waterstone has suggested that the Department of Health should be aware of the potential for “financial exploitation” of patients in the area of assisted reproduction, and has urged that IVF clinics be regulated. He strongly encourages patients to check what is, and is not, included in the prices quoted by clinics.  

Waterstone Clinic operates with transparency at its core. Our clinic is committed to providing treatments that are evidence-based and proven to succeed. We make no empty promises, and we perform no unnecessary tests. Our treatment costs are all-inclusive, and there are no hidden extras. 

Where to Start

There are many “add on” treatments patients can access when pursuing IVF treatment, Dr John Waterstone notes that “none are likely to increase the chance of taking home a baby.” The clinicians at Waterstone Clinic only suggest tests and treatments that are medically warranted. We believe our skills, experience and state-of-the-art facilities give our patients the best chance possible to achieve their goal, without these expensive extras.

READ MORE:https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/health/desperate-couples-at-risk-of-exploitation-fertility-expert-35256095.html

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/the-high-mysterious-and-added-costs-of-ivf-1.3845858

Getting Through Christmas with Fertility Issues

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5 Tips For Looking After Yourself at Christmas During Your Fertility Journey

Christmas can be an emotional time, with lots of expectations and pressure from outside, and pressure you might put on yourself too. If you are worried about the Christmas season, a little bit of planning and preparation can help you feel less uncomfortable and to enjoy the time you have to relax: it’s your Christmas too!

When Your Friend Is Going Through Fertility Treatment This Is What To Do

Mary McAuliffe, fertility nurse specialist and head of clinical services at Waterstone Clinic shares her tips on how to really help someone through this difficult time.

“We often find that women and couples don’t even want to tell their family and friends about their treatment, so it can be a very difficult and isolating time for them. If they have chosen to confide in you, they haven’t taken that decision lightly so it’s really important to make sure you are communicating with them in the right way. Men and women’s emotional response to fertility struggles are very different, and you might find they prefer to confide in a family member or a close friend than burdening their partner with their hopes and fears. The ways in which they need support might not necessarily be the way you think is right. You might want to discuss it all; they might want to escape it all and see a funny movie. Get in tune with the signs they are giving you and respond in the right way with the right type of support.”

My top tips:

1. Don’t tell them to “relax about it” – people who have chosen to go down the route of IVF have done so because they are facing significant challenges on the way to realising their dream of having a baby. Telling them to relax could be taken to belittle the issues they are trying to overcome.

2. Don’t ignore the Elephant In The Room or try to minimise the problem – much like not telling them to relax, completely ignoring the issue or dismissing it if it is raised is also not supportive. If they bring it up, listen and give encouragement. Unless they have expressly said they do not want to talk about it, ask a general question about how things are going so that they know you are interested and feel comfortable chatting about it.

3. Don’t ask every day if there any updates or news. And never ask, “are you pregnant?”

4. Never say ‘There are worse things that could happen” – to the person going through it, it’s the biggest challenge they have had to face.

5. Ask how you can help and support them on their journey – ask if there’s anything you can do that might help. Maybe they need a lift to an appointment, or maybe you could offer to make them dinner following an appointment. Offer your help and let them know you are genuine about it.

6. Be a cause for distraction – they will very likely need time out and something fun to look forward to so they can take their mind off it all for a few hours. Be their companion for a gig, or a spa visit or even just treat them to popcorn and the cinema.

7. Be aware of other people’s behaviour in their presence and be ready to protect them from preying or awkward questions.

8. Support their decision to stop treatments – making the decision to stop is an extremely difficult one, let them know you support them all the way and you know they did the right thing for them.

9. On testing day – don’t contact them looking for an update, whether it is good or bad news, they will need time to digest the information. Do, however, let them know in advance that you are at the end of the phone and there for them.

10. Encourage them to have a date-night with their partner; they may need to switch off for a few hours and have fun together as a couple.

11. Don’t limit communication to just texting or calling, visit them and arrange to go for a walk, or a coffee – sometimes just having company can make a difference. Physical support such as a hug or an arm around their shoulder can also provide comfort.

12. Be realistic with them and don’t be overly positive about their treatment if they have told you their chance of success is less than 20 per cent.